Biblioblogger’s Big Brother: Episode Three

Our houseguests have been in a bit of trouble lately, which is the reason, dear viewer, that they haven’t appeared on air in a couple of weeks.

To bring you up to speed, then, on developments in the house: when last we visited the head of household had nominated Chris Tilling and Drew Tatusko for eviction. Immediately after that episode aired Chris and Drew both were removed from the house and taken to jail. Here’s what happened:

Chris went outside to sit in the hot tub- which regular viewers will know is his absolute favorite pastime. At any rate, Drew too went to the tub to commiserate with Chris but he made the mistake of wearing his rainbow bathing suit. This threw Tilling into an absolute frenzy of anger. He spewed “I’m not sitting in this tub with the likes of you and your rainbow suit! I’ve put up with as much as I possibly can and this is just too much!!!” Drew naturally took offense at this (clearly not recognizing that the sight of him in a speedo, let alone a rainbow speedo, was more than any of the houseguests, or viewers, could have taken). So Drew replied “I don’t care what you think you filthy Limey!”

Chris began hurling himself about the tub at that point, gesticulating, flopping, yelling, and floundering so tremendously that all the water was hurled from the tub and onto the lawn. Without sufficient water in the intake valves air was immediately sucked in with great force and poor Doug Chaplin, who just happened to have been walking by, lost an arm. Doug, you’ll recall, is rail thin and the producers feared that – at that point – he would be sucked into the airducts completely. In a split second decision they cut power to the house to spare Doug’s life.

In the meanwhile, Tilling and Tatusko had taken their verbal denunciations to the physical level and began fighting and rolling around the lawn. Producers intervened and as the rules clearly state that no contestant may lay hands on another- both were taken to jail to cool down and then after 24 hours both were let go home.

Doug Chaplin had to be taken to hospital where his severed twig was reattached.

To make it all even more bizarre, while all this was going on outside, Antonio, Nick, James Crossley and James Spinti were arguing about which of them had the most popular biblioblog. This alarmed the producers and all four were warned that they too faced severe penalties and potential removal if the argument escalated to the physical.

When Tilling and Tatusko were removed and Chaplin returned from the hospital, the producers met with all of the remaining contestants and urged them to peaceableness. Norelli suggested that if they had only had the chance to hear Todd Bentley’s latest sermon, peace would reign. Crossley guffawed so loudly at that that Norelli took offence but rather than turning violent and throwing a rasslin’ move on Crossley, he stormed to his room and locked the door. Spinti prayed. And Antonio chuckled.

So, after a very volatile couple of weeks things are pretty normal now in the house and we will tune in next time to view the H.O.H. competition. Hopefully, things will be more peacable among our contestants in the meanwhile.

It Was Inevitable: Fundamentalists Devouring Fundamentalists

When my Seminary was taken over by the far right back in the late 80’s many of us then prophesied that once the Fundamentalists were done destroying everyone who didn’t agree with them they would turn on each other. They’ve been doing that now for a while, but the rooster has come home to roost at the very heart of Fundamentalism: Criswell College.

A simmering feud over control of Criswell College has boiled over, with its president and some trustees accusing leaders of First Baptist Church of Dallas of plotting to sell the school’s assets to finance a new church sanctuary. Criswell President Jerry Johnson late this week criticized the Rev. Robert Jeffress, pastor of First Baptist Dallas, which founded the Dallas Bible school and controls appointment of its trustees. As pastor, Dr. Jeffress is automatically chancellor of Criswell College, which has a small campus on Gaston Avenue and operates a radio station, KCBI-FM.

Yes, once they had run out of ‘external foes’ to denounce, it was only a matter of time before the pugilists turned on their own kind. When the dust settles, there won’t be any Fundamentalists left.

Linguistic Dating of Biblical Texts: In Closing…

The discussion of linguistic dating of Biblical texts held on the Biblical Studies List from July 20 to August 2 has concluded. Robert, Ian and Martin did, I think, a fine job in explaining their position and responding graciously to the many questions posed. They have asked me to open the List Archives and allow wider access both to the discussion and their summary statement, which I am happy to do. To access the statement, follow the link, scroll down the page to ‘rezetko.pdf’ and click it.

So, if you’re curious about linguistics and dating biblical texts, feel free to visit the list page and scroll around between July 20th and August 2.