I know, I know, I’m quite ‘conservative’ when it comes to sexual issues. Doubtless some regular readers find this an amazing fact considering my less than ‘conservative’ views on many other social / political issues. But there it is.
So, when I read stories like this about 17 misguided teen girls in Massachusetts (where else, it had to be there or California, didn’t it?), it saddens me. When 14 and 15 and 16 year old girls en masse decide that it would be fun to have babies together (like going to the mall together or getting their nails done together) a number of questions arise:
1- Where are the parents and what have they taught these children about self respect, respect for life, personal responsibility, ethics, and morality? Sure, kids can be taught all the right stuff and still do stupid things. But that question naturally arises and is quite right to ask. “Oh, but you can’t watch them every minute” will protest the disengaged. To which I reply, ‘wanna bet?’ If you have concerns about your child’s behavior you sure can watch them every minute. You just don’t want to be bothered with it.
2- Where are the boys and what have their parents taught them about self control and respect for girls?
3- Why haven’t these kids been told to abstain? “Oh, but you just don’t know- they are going to do it if they really want to” protest the disengaged. ‘Wanna bet?’ I reply. To ‘do it’ they have to have place and opportunity. Deny both and the problem is contained. “Oh but you have to grant them freedom or they will just rebel worse”. Perhaps not if they learn by their parents example that they are doing what needs to be done to help their child learn that nothing is more important than their well being.
4- Why, oh why, aren’t these children (and all the hoards of others) informed that the most intimate parts of life should be reserved for particularly intimate relationships and that only is found in a lifetime commitment to another in marriage. Or, in plain language, why aren’t kids being taught that sex outside of marriage is detrimental to them and their partner. After all, if they don’t value themselves enough to control themselves before marriage and then in that condition to remain with just one person, what makes anyone foolish enough to trust them?
5- The consequence of American promiscuity is the highest rate of STD’s in the Western world. That’s the prize our children win, when their parents don’t teach them that some things are right and moral and some things are wrong and destructive. Or they have a baby, being babies themselves, and their parents end up raising all of them. Oh but who doesn’t want to be a grandma or grandpa at 35?
This is just depressing. The attitude that these children have towards sex, relationships, pregnancy, and children is a travesty. All of their parents should be horrified and ashamed, as a great deal of the responsibility for this lies on their shoulders.
By: Colin Toffelmire on June 20, 2008
at 10:04 am
As the adoptive father of two products of teen pregnancy, I can say that I have been taken aback by just how “normal” this has become. Every girl in the inner circle of my youngest’s birth-mother had a child at graduation (thank God, they graduated!) No stigma whatsoever.
I am fully aware of the brutality that inevitably results when society shuns those who fail to conform to its standards but I am increasingly drawn to the idea that “shunning” is the only way that such destructive behavior can be limited. Is it worth the price payed by the shunned? Inevitably many of the offenses prove arbitrary rather than essential. Can we come up with a system that shuns without harshness? I doubt it.
The religious have been one of the few groups willing to step in and fill the gap, mitigating the worst of the consequences and giving people a second chance. Can it all be balanced?
More importantly, if it can be balanced, can it be sustained? Or are we doomed to cycles of harshness followed by laxity? Generational theories of history would suggest such ebbs and flows and I am inclined to view it in this light. If William Strauss and Neil Howe (dilettantes to you in Academe, I’m sure) are to be believed, America is due for a sharp turning in the next five years or so wherein common purpose is rediscovered and shared values reforged. Perhaps a conservative can finish out his days with some sort of peace having lived to see it. Pity the pious soul who dies ignorant of such a rebirth.
By: Scott Ferguson on June 20, 2008
at 10:05 am
Pretty much, Where are parents these days? Good Lord. Want to solve a lot of problems? Start there.
By: Drew on June 20, 2008
at 11:03 am
Nah. Parenting is just an anachronistic leftover from oppressive Christians who have misinterpreted the Bible. Jesus said nothing about parenting in the Sermon on the Mount.
(Since this might be posted for eternity, I will note that the above was a spoof and not what I really think.)
By: Looney on June 20, 2008
at 12:32 pm
[...] It seems to be one of many continual lessons in just how media illiterate we are in a time when we should be far more cognizant of the politics and marketing of desire. The social effects of such consumption habits cannot be ignored. [...]
By: Book Review: Porn Nation · Notes From Off-Center on June 20, 2008
at 3:29 pm
Two comments:
(1) Re your statement that this incident “had to” have happened in either Massachusetts or California: California and Massachusetts couldn’t be more different with respect to teen pregnancy. While California has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the nation, Massachusetts has one of the lowest. See http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/2006/09/12/USTPstats.pdf for details. Massachusetts also has one of the lowest divorce rates in America. See Http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0923080.html. For all it’s political liberalism, Massachusetts is not a bastion of sexual license.
(2) Re the comment about how “normal” this has all become: while I certainly agree that there has been an attempt to decrease stigmatization of pregnant teens in recent decades, this has not translated into an increase in teen pregnancy. In fact, rates of teen pregnancy have fallen 36% since 1990. See the Guttmacher website, above. I don’t think “destigmatization” and “normal” are equivalent in this case. it is still not normal for high school students to get pregnant in American. However, it is increasingly seen as something not be ashamed of.
FWIW.
By: Thomas Peters on June 20, 2008
at 3:39 pm
Yes but it’s exactly a lack of a moral center that allows it to be, for boys and girls, something ‘not to be ashamed of’. Certainly it isn’t the unforgivable sin. But it is a huge problem.
And don’t be too worried about my aside at California and Massachusetts.
By: Jim on June 20, 2008
at 3:44 pm