Cats, that is. The Associated Press reports

“People come in and say, I had a black and white tuxedo cat before, so that’s what I want,” says Jim Monsma of the Washington Animal Rescue League in Washington, D.C. “But cats are not all the same. They have widely divergent personalities.” That’s why the shelter is now using the Feline-ality program, developed by behaviorist Dr. Emily Weiss of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

Naturally I am inclined to scoff and mock at this point. So, I will. Cats are in fact all exactly the same: evil. Pure, unmixed, unmitigated wickedness. So, rather than pay good money to have your cat tested (I can’t believe how gullible and silly people are), send your money to aid the Chinese or the Burmese. Or just send your cat to one of those animal chaplain people and let them go through a series of counseling sessions. Perhaps your kitty will divulge there that the little thing was pushed off the teat by its siblings just one too many times and that’s what turned it into a ball of rage…