Alas, Lamentable Torment and Satanic Torture March 5, 2008

I’ve been tagged by another stupid meme thing. Lordy I hate those things. If I didn’t like Chris Brady so much I’d just completely ignore it- but my duty to my friends is limitless and alongside the fact that I never criticize them publicly, ever, I also comply with their requests- even when they are clearly inspired by the smarmy pits of hell. Like memes.

So here goes:

Rule 1) List three reasons for your blogging.
Rule 2) List these rules.
Rule 3) Tag three others with the thread.

Concerning 1- I blog because (in this order of importance) a) it annoys some people; 2) it makes others happy; 3) I want to. [N.B.- and I numbered them with 'a' and then 2 and 3 to annoy even more some of those I blog to annoy].

Concerning 2- Ok this makes no sense at all and I’m not falling for Doug’s cryptic / Catholic / Anglican reading. Sometimes, Doug, sense can’t be granted to senselessness, no matter how much we wish it could be. ‘List these rules’… What rules? Who invented this witless meme anyway? He or she needs a stern thrashing.

Concerning 3- No- I refuse. I’d rather suffer the penalty of the broken chain letter than force some unsuspecting person to endure attempting to understand rule 2 above.

There- that’s what I think of memes. I don’t play by the rules. And I don’t ever intend to. So there. [Insert a tongue stuck out in your direction at this juncture].

If You Don’t Want to Know, Don’t Ask March 5, 2008

A friend sent this and it has to be shared…

Lawyers should never have asked a Mississippi grandma a question if they weren’t prepared for her answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’

She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.’

I have the feeling this old woman and I are related somewhere down the line.

What Baptist History Can Teach Nick Norelli And Other Musical Heretics March 5, 2008

I mentioned previously that I’m working on a History of the Big Emory Baptist Association (the local Baptist Association to which our church and others in the area belong) and I discovered an interesting bit from 1938 that I feel like passing along- especially to Nick Norelli and the other musical heretics out there.

Included in the minutes of the Association’s proceedings from the year 1938 is the report from the ‘Church Music’ committee - which wrote

‘Church music consists of the following: (1) proper musical instrument (organ or piano); (2) Trained band of singers in harmony with God’s will. It would be well for the choir to be elected by church [sic]. (3) A consecrated song leader, who is a Christian and member of the Church; (4) Gospel hymns selected from religious books. I am sorry to find so few of our churches equipped with church music as defined above.’

The committee went on in its report to lament the fact that so many churches were using ‘modern song books’ instead of proper hymnals!  The issue of proper music in the Church continued to occupy the ‘Music Committee’ such that in 1939 they felt compelled to recommend to the Association that

‘… the churches of Big Emory Association discard the cheap song books with their cheeky and ragtime music and replace them with our regular standard hymnals’.

And I would suggest Nick and his cohorts do the same.  Rid yourselves of your cheeky rap!  Return to the fold of true Christian music!  Or suffer the consequences of the public scorn surely to come your way…

How To Start a Theological Revolution March 5, 2008

1- Do something which angers the powers that be like eating a sausage at Lent or discounting the Church’s teachings on indulgences.
2- Write. A lot. About every doctrine under the sun.
3- Have friends in high political places.
4- Stir the masses to agree with you by poking fun at the established Church.
5- Be willing to ‘take it on the chin’ and accept contempt.
6- Be willing to make people mad.
7- Be willing to stand by while your enemies are pilloried and if necessary executed.

That’s what it takes to be a Reformer. You have to have conviction yoked to courage and a fearlessness which blinds you to the glowering, infuriated glances of your ’superiors’. If you have the guts for it, you can be a Reformer too. And then you can be the hinge upon which swings a new theological revolution.

eDictionaries for Biblical Studies March 5, 2008

Jack Sasson has passed along word of this tremendous resource made available by the good folks at Tyndale Tech: eDictionaries (for biblical studies).   I’m off to add a link to it to Biblical Studies Resources.

It Doesn’t Matter Who The Democrats Pick… March 5, 2008

Even if it’s a Hillary/ Barack ticket, as some are suggesting this morning.  McCain cannot win.  Not when his first move after tying up the Republican nomination will be to hook his wagon to George Bush yet again by seeking his endorsement and having lunch at the White House.  Apparently McCain and his strategists don’t comprehend the disdain with which Bush and his policies are held.  Even die hard Republicans are fed up with Bush- so what does McCain hope to gain by the endorsement of an albatross?

It doesn’t matter who the Democrats pick.  They can’t lose in November.

Harvard’s Sexism March 5, 2008

Just imagine the outrage were Harvard to decide to exclude women from the gym when men were working out. And imagine just for a second that Christians wanted the gym for their own use because the presence of non christians made them uncomfortable. Oh the lamentation would rise to the heavens and heads would roll. And rightly so. So let’s hear the rage now that Harvard has decided to exclude men from the gym so that Muslim women are allowed exclusive access.

In a test of Harvard’s famed open-mindedness, the university has banned men from one of its gyms for a few hours a week to accommodate Muslim women who say it offends their sense of modesty to exercise in front of the opposite sex.

If they are offended, buy a Bowflex. Life in society means learning to allow equal access to one and all. What’s good for the goose… Anyway, at least some at Harvard sense the innate hypocrisy of the decision:

The policy is already unpopular with many on campus, including some women who consider it sexist. “I think that it’s incorrect in a college setting to institute a policy in which half of the campus gets wronged or denied a resource that’s supposed to be for everyone,” said student Lucy Caldwell, who also wrote a column in The Harvard Crimson newspaper critical of the new hours.

At least someone gets it.  Now let’s hope Harvard gets it.

Vermont Rocks! March 5, 2008

Those folk up in Vermont are a grand lot of intelligent and engaged beings. They have grit and gut and are willing to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done. That’s why I applaud two towns essentially pointless and meaningless decision to issue arrest warrants for Bush and Cheney. Of course they never will be arrested, but Vermonters have made an important point- B&C HAVE violated the Constitution and folk need to remember it. And hold them accountable for it. Yeah Vermont! You people rock!

The nonbinding, symbolic measure, passed in Brattleboro and Marlboro in a state known for taking liberal positions on national issues, instructs town police to “extradite them to other authorities that may reasonably contend to prosecute them.”

Brilliant.